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This is the first post in a series on the album Vanisher, Horizon Scraper by Quadeca.

AT A TIME LIKE THIS

AT A TIME LIKE THIS is my favorite song off my favorite album. The whole album is philosophically loaded, and RUIN MY LIFE was the first to catch my eye, in fact it is one of the inspirations for one of my current obsessions, Liberty. I want to focus on AT A TIME LIKE THIS because it has a simple but incredibly useful and powerful message. I recommend a listen of course, and I’ll try to explain through some lyrics below.

Verse 1:

The old-timer told me not to bother

He thought getting old would take way longer

Scraping all the rust off of his armor

Melting in my hands like salt in water

Spoken like the fathеr of a father

I thought getting old would take way longеr

I thought getting old would make me stronger

At a time like this

The album is about Quadeca as a sailor getting ready to set out on the ocean, overcoming his fears and taking the voyage he has always wanted to. It’s a clear metaphor for any life project or even life itself. Here, he’s seeking the counsel of an older man, someone with plenty of life experience, who’s telling him not to even try. Scraping the rust off of his armor, the old man had the same desires as a youngin’ but talked himself out of it and tried to swaddle himself in lies about why he never committed. The only way to keep those lies alive and maintain their warm comfort is to be consistent in them, which requires telling the young and aspirational sailor to not even bother. In a way, he sees himself in the sailor and the guilt of failure consumes him. He can’t stand to watch someone prove that he was lying this whole time, because that would mean facing his own cowardice.

He thought getting old would take way longer

He kept putting the voyage off, waiting for the time when he’s ready, when he’s stronger, when he has the means. It felt like he had all the time to decide, until all the time was gone along with his opportunity.

Verse 3:

Mixed in the glass with the spirits from the bottle

I wanna leave a message for that person from tomorrow

And when it’s all gone, no one wants to take requests

What’s the point in trying at a time like, at a time like this?

He keeps thinking of the tomorrow self as someone else, someone who’s ready. He wants to send a message, because this other self is so elusive and never seems to arrive. The irony is that this future self his him now.

Verse 4:

Mixed in the glass ’til I end up on a list

Spirits on the floor ’til they learn to coexist

They’ll be missed, why bother filling an abyss?

What’s the point in dying at a time like this, like this?

It’s far too easy to leave the opportunity behind. You have what you have now, and you won’t lose anything if you pass up your voyage. What’s the point of putting everything on the line when you can keep it all and move on? Why bother trying to fill an abyss when it’s almost like there’s nothing to be filled?

The refrain throughout this first half of the song is

What’s the point in trying at a time like this?

Representing the constant procrastinating we all always fall into. Ask any older person what life projects they wanted to do when they were younger, then ask why they didn’t. They’ll probably tell you that they waited too long or got too scared and missed their chance.

It’s never the ‘right time’. You just have to do it. The right time is always now.

Bridge:

Call it, call it, call it what you want, uh

But there’s karma in the current when it’s calm

Whatever gets me, gets me, don’t get me wrong, uh

Whatever gets me prolly had me all along

Karma is cosmic action. When the current is calm, which happens every day on a regular schedule, the current of your voyage is brimming with cosmic action for you to take.

The paralysis of fearing the outcome of your risk isn’t indicative of what you can lose or what might go wrong. The things you stand to lose from just committing are the same things you’ll lose if you don’t. Accepting that fact lets you move on from the fear of fate.

Chorus:

I keep my soul on high alert, uh

I keep it all on high alert, uh (Woah)

I keep on watching ’til it hurts (Woah)

I keep on going ’til it works out

I keep it all on high alert (Woah)

I keep on dancing ’til it hurts (Woah)

At a time like this

Having now committed to his voyage, the sailor doesn’t just dip his toes. He has to now fully commit to his choice for it to work out. To try and test the waters and retain your fear makes you prone to your failure, which you almost end up wishing for as a resolution to your tension. The sailor commits fully and shirks his fear. He will give it his entire effort, and if it doesn’t work out, he can at least know that he did everything he possibly could, no matter the cost in comfort.

Verse 5:

I was born in the wrong, yeah

With a puzzle to solve (To solve)

Where the colors dissolve (Dissolve)

Just keep holding your breath, yeah

When the tunnels collapse (Ah)

And the wish is intact

And the guilt comes in on two (Two)

And the guilt comes in (In)

When the walls cave in on you (You)

They become your skin (Skin)

At a time like this

At a time like this (Time like this)

We’re all born into a generic world not made for us. Nothing about our conditions is intended for you. It takes our effort to mold our world into something that is ours, that we have some purpose in. Those who chase comfort in the generic and empty world run away from their choices, that dark and intimidating tunnel into a future of self-determination and self-love. When that tunnel collapses and you have concretized yourself into an alien world, you can cling to that hope and that aspiration to make it all make sense, but you know you missed your chance. The guilt will follow you until all of your choices are gone and you cease to exist in an cold world.